Our Long National Nightmare is Over!!! (For Now)

Whew! Seriously, whew!

Just when it looked like the Cardinals were going to find yet another excruciating way to lose a game (go-ahead run scoring on a wild pitch), El Hombre decides to take matters into his own hands and blasts a 3-run homer to Big Mac Land. Then, Adam Wainwright gets the first two guys in the 9th, gives up a double, but settles down to shut the door and end the losing streak at 8.

I understand that if they make the playoffs, the Cardinals probably won't be around for long. With that said, I'd much rather get waxed in the playoffs than be witness to a historic September collapse. Let's leave that distinction with the 1964 Phillies.

As I write this, the Astros and Pirates are playing a marathon game in Pittsburgh. From the accounts I've read, the Bucs probably should've won this one without going extra innings. Those darned Astros just won't die. Go away and let us all enjoy an October without you!

As I finished typing this, I see that the Astros have gone ahead by a run. It never ends, does it?

Wake Me Up, When September Ends

The Chicago Bears, Illinois football and the St. Louis Cardinals: Three different teams, three varying levels of success this weekend.

Chicago Bears
Positives:

• They went into a hostile Metrodome and took all the Vikings could throw at them.
• It looked like they were going to get handed their first loss of the season, but the defense came up big when needed and Rex Grossman stayed calm down the stretch.
• Robbie Gould was perfect on field goal attempts.

Negatives:

• The whole first half, which included way too many penalties and the offensive line having trouble picking up the Minnesota blitz. The pressure gave Rex happy feet.
• Grossman also needs to know when to throw a ball away into the stands. He gave the Vikings their only touchdown of the day on a gift-wrapped interception return.

Looking Ahead: The Seahawks, John Madden and Al Michaels head to Soldier Field for a Sunday night showdown of NFC heavyweights. Seattle will be without Shaun Alexander, who is out due to the Madden curse.

The Fighting Illini

Positives:

• Well, if you throw out about a 6-minute span in the second quarter where Iowa scored 21 points, the Illini win the game 7-3.
• The penalties were down from 12 to 2.
• While Juice Williams' numbers weren't the best, he came on strong in the second half.

Negatives:

• The coaching staff is still making too many questionable decisions. They called on DaJuan Warren to do that stupid little rugby punt again, this time while fairly deep in their own territory. The punt went straight up and for a total of 12 yards. Another time, they were running out of the shotgun and snapping the ball into the end zone. That was a recipe for disaster.
• They also subbed Tim Brasic for Williams in the first half. Brasic ran for a first down on the first play, but then threw an interception on the next.
• Too many dropped passes and missed field goals.

Looking Ahead: The Illini travel to Michigan State on Saturday. Illinois hasn't beaten MSU since 1992. This should end well.

St. Louis Cardinals

Positives:

• The road trip is over.
• The regular season is almost over.

Negatives:

• A 7.5-game lead on Thursday was down to 3.5 games after Sunday's game (updated to 2.5 games after Monday's loss).
• While they were busy losing, San Diego, Los Angeles and Philadelphia were actually trying to win and improve their playoff position. It seemed a foregone conclusion that the Cards would be opening at home in the playoffs. Now, they're facing a 3-game sweep at the hands of the Mets.
• As soon as the bullpen is handed a tie game or a lead, they feel the need to cough it back up.

Looking ahead: Who knows? If they don't win a few games this week, the players will be worrying about their tee times.

Pro Wrestling Ryder Cup - Part Two

After spelling out my idea for a pro wrestling version of golf's Ryder Cup and making my picks for he would fill out the international team, here are the real Americans that should make up the American team.

Team Captain - Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: The greatest wrestling manager of all time is the only choice. While he's never been known as a patriot, he would be ready to interfere at any moment.

1. Hulk Hogan - I really don't have to add anything to this, other than that the American squad should blare "Real American" if they win this weekend.

2. Sgt. Slaughter - Disregard the fact that he portrayed an Iraqi turncoat during the first Gulf War. The guy has his own G.I. Joe figure, for crying out loud.

3. Kurt Angle - He might have recently left the WWF, but the guy is automatically on the team because he won a gold medal in the 1996 Olympics.

4. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan - Try lining up a putt when a cross-eyed guy with a 2x4 is staring you down.

5. Dusty Rhodes - If the foreign team has "The African Dream" then "The American Dream" has a spot on the United States squad. But only if he promises to wear a shirt.

6. The Patriot - With a name like this, it's pretty obvious that he'd be on this list.

7. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin - Nothing says "proud American" like a beer drinking, foul mouthed redneck. Who wouldn't want to give Sergio Garcia the finger?

8. Lex Luger - Went from being an egotistical prick to a guy who loved his country after he bodyslammed Yokozuna on the Fourth of July.

9. John Bradshaw Leyfield - JBL went from being a tag-team cowboy to a world champion after morphing into a combination of "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase and President Bush.

10. Mick Foley - Golf would be a lot more exciting if the players risked being thrown off the roof of a cage. Barbed wire and thumbtacks should also be involved.

11. Jerry "The King" Lawler - Normally, when you think of royalty, you think of countries in Europe. But Lawler is just as popular in Memphis as Elvis Presley. Did you know that the old baseball stadium in Memphis was named after Tim McCarver? That has nothing to do with this post, I just find it odd.

12. The Brooklyn Brawler - Why not?

Judging by these rosters, I think this is an American team that could restore some athletic pride to our country. But if they didn't win fair and square, they would just bash their opponents over the head with a folding chair.

Pro Wrestling Ryder Cup - Part One

This weekend brings us the return of golf's Ryder Cup. A team of golfers from the United States heads to Ireland to take on a team of golfers from Europe, with the winner receiving the prestigious Ryder Cup. The Europeans won the event in 2004 and the Americans are looking to bring the trophy home.

I love this country as much as the next guy, but there's something about the Ryder Cup that makes me want to go see a Lee Greenwood concert and hold up a lighter during "God Bless the U.S.A." The U.S. team has had trouble in recent Ryder Cups, so I began to think about sports where the Americans bringing a trophy home wouldn't be an upset. Pro wrestling came to mind because it's predetermined and Vince McMahon could just decide the Americans would win.

With all that in mind, here are 12 wrestlers from the world who would be selected for a pro wrestling version of the Ryder Cup. To make things a little more fair for the foreigners, wrestlers from anywhere outside the U.S. are eligible for the team. Also, and this is important, even if the wrestler is really from South Carolina but is portraying a Russian, he is eligible for the international team.

Team Captain - Mr. Fuji: He wasn't known as "The Devious One" because he'd borrow his neighbor's weed eater and never give it back. If you were about to beat his man, he'd throw a little salt in your eyes. I'm guessing he'd also cough during your backswing.

1. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper: Every great hero needs a great villain. Superman has Lex Luthor. The Chicago Bulls had the Detroit Pistons. Hulk Hogan had "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. Colin Montgomerie stole his gimmick from "Hot Rod."

2. The Iron Sheik: The Sheik summed up his thoughts nicely when he said, "Iran, number one! USA, hawk tooey!"

3. Nikolai Volkoff: The burly Russian would definitely want to sing the Russian National Anthem on the first tee box.

4. Bret Hart: This Canadian legend comes from the first family of professional wrestling. When he wins a few more major tournaments, Tiger could borrow the Hitman's monicker of "The Best There Is, The Best There Was and The Best There Ever Will Be."

5. Finlay: An Irish toughman who was forced to retire from WCW in the 90's, he's recently returned to Smackdown. If the Europeans let him stand on the course and intimidate their opponents, the Ryder Cup will stay on the other side of the Atlantic.

6. William Regal: If you checked the golf bag of the grappler from England, you'd probably find brass knuckles instead of a pitching wedge.

7. Great Muta: The long-time Japanese competitor has a fool proof way to keep you from sinking your putt - green mist to the eyes

8. The Mountie: Former tag team wrestler Jacques Rougeau went back north of the border and became a Canadian Mountie, complete with a full outfit, cattle prod and kick ass theme music.

9. Nikita Koloff: The Russian Nightmare was a force in the NWA during the Cold War of the 1980's. The United States and Russia's Cold War is not to be confused with the current situation between Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson.

10. Tito Santana: Pro wrestling's answer to Lee Trevino held the Intercontinental and Tag Team titles on multiple occasions. In golf terms, those would be equivalent to multiple U.S. and British Open wins.

11. Kamala: Known as the Ugandan Giant, when you mess with this savage beast, you also had to deal with his handler/caddy, Kim Chee.

12. Akeem: Manager Slick took Mean Gene Okerlund to deepest, darkest Africa to show off his newest find, Akeem. Akeem had a slight resemblance to the One Man Gang, who was from Chicago. Isn't Ernie Els also from deepest, darkest Africa?

There is the international squad. Check back for the U.S. team in a couple days. Needless to say, the team will be led by a reality show star from VH1....Flavor Flav.

Your Boat Scratched My Anchor!

For the maiden voyage of the S.S. Central Illinois Bias, I thought I would just go a little more in-depth about the plans for the site than I did in the description at the top of the page.

I understand that teams like the Yankees, Red Sox and Duke & Carolina hoops get big ratings for the broadcast and cable networks; I just don't care. Plus, I shouldn't leave out the overplayed folks on the West Coast. I'm just as tired of the Lakers, USC football and Barry Bonds.

There are even some Midwestern folks who, if you didn't know better, plied their trade on the East Coast. Peyton Manning and Brett Favre, I'm looking at you.

Also, you can't have a sports blog these days without ripping on ESPN. So you should expect plenty of that. Beware Stuart Scott, Stephen A. Smith and Lou Holtz!

You, the reader can expect plenty of commentary on the St. Louis Cardinals, Chicago Bears and the Illinois Fighting Illini (maybe not the football team). Since I'm a fan of these teams, they'll be covered the most and treated very gently. Unless they suck, in which case, they're fair game.

Speaking of sucking, I'll give you some thoughts on the Chicago Cubs. Though I'm not a fan at all, I still pay attention to what is going on in Wrigleyville. It's a shame Dusty is packing his bags, because he is an easy target for ridicule.

I will also provide my thoughts on the White Sox. My dad is a longtime White Sox fan and I've been going to games with him for years. I'm a Cardinal fan first, but if they aren't playing the Cards, I'm pulling for the Sox.

I'll talk about some of the other colleges in Illinois, including my alma mater, Illinois State. I'm sure I can work up a good post or two on Redbird football coach/bumpkin Denver Johnson.

If I have the time or they send me any free tickets, I'll write about some of the minor-league teams in Peoria and Bloomington. Speaking of minor-league teams, there's also the St. Louis Blues. I don't know much about hockey, so I couldn't add much even if their games weren't aired on the Outdoor Life Network.

Well, that's the inaugural post. Let the poorly written fun begin!

By the way, even though the initials for the blog are CIB, you'll never hear me refer to the site by that name. I used to work at a place called CIB and it might just bring back too many bad memories. Those memories include being suspended for writing about sports on the internet. Alanis Morrisette said it best when she said, "Isn't it ironic?"

Don't you think?