Pro Wrestling Ryder Cup - Part One

This weekend brings us the return of golf's Ryder Cup. A team of golfers from the United States heads to Ireland to take on a team of golfers from Europe, with the winner receiving the prestigious Ryder Cup. The Europeans won the event in 2004 and the Americans are looking to bring the trophy home.

I love this country as much as the next guy, but there's something about the Ryder Cup that makes me want to go see a Lee Greenwood concert and hold up a lighter during "God Bless the U.S.A." The U.S. team has had trouble in recent Ryder Cups, so I began to think about sports where the Americans bringing a trophy home wouldn't be an upset. Pro wrestling came to mind because it's predetermined and Vince McMahon could just decide the Americans would win.

With all that in mind, here are 12 wrestlers from the world who would be selected for a pro wrestling version of the Ryder Cup. To make things a little more fair for the foreigners, wrestlers from anywhere outside the U.S. are eligible for the team. Also, and this is important, even if the wrestler is really from South Carolina but is portraying a Russian, he is eligible for the international team.

Team Captain - Mr. Fuji: He wasn't known as "The Devious One" because he'd borrow his neighbor's weed eater and never give it back. If you were about to beat his man, he'd throw a little salt in your eyes. I'm guessing he'd also cough during your backswing.

1. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper: Every great hero needs a great villain. Superman has Lex Luthor. The Chicago Bulls had the Detroit Pistons. Hulk Hogan had "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. Colin Montgomerie stole his gimmick from "Hot Rod."

2. The Iron Sheik: The Sheik summed up his thoughts nicely when he said, "Iran, number one! USA, hawk tooey!"

3. Nikolai Volkoff: The burly Russian would definitely want to sing the Russian National Anthem on the first tee box.

4. Bret Hart: This Canadian legend comes from the first family of professional wrestling. When he wins a few more major tournaments, Tiger could borrow the Hitman's monicker of "The Best There Is, The Best There Was and The Best There Ever Will Be."

5. Finlay: An Irish toughman who was forced to retire from WCW in the 90's, he's recently returned to Smackdown. If the Europeans let him stand on the course and intimidate their opponents, the Ryder Cup will stay on the other side of the Atlantic.

6. William Regal: If you checked the golf bag of the grappler from England, you'd probably find brass knuckles instead of a pitching wedge.

7. Great Muta: The long-time Japanese competitor has a fool proof way to keep you from sinking your putt - green mist to the eyes

8. The Mountie: Former tag team wrestler Jacques Rougeau went back north of the border and became a Canadian Mountie, complete with a full outfit, cattle prod and kick ass theme music.

9. Nikita Koloff: The Russian Nightmare was a force in the NWA during the Cold War of the 1980's. The United States and Russia's Cold War is not to be confused with the current situation between Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson.

10. Tito Santana: Pro wrestling's answer to Lee Trevino held the Intercontinental and Tag Team titles on multiple occasions. In golf terms, those would be equivalent to multiple U.S. and British Open wins.

11. Kamala: Known as the Ugandan Giant, when you mess with this savage beast, you also had to deal with his handler/caddy, Kim Chee.

12. Akeem: Manager Slick took Mean Gene Okerlund to deepest, darkest Africa to show off his newest find, Akeem. Akeem had a slight resemblance to the One Man Gang, who was from Chicago. Isn't Ernie Els also from deepest, darkest Africa?

There is the international squad. Check back for the U.S. team in a couple days. Needless to say, the team will be led by a reality show star from VH1....Flavor Flav.